Happy New Year! It’s been awhile friends. I’m sorry I’ve been a stranger for the last few months, but I’ll be honest – I am grappling with what to do with this blog.
I’ve been wrestling with two sides of myself, the two sides that inspired my blog’s name. My wild side wants to just write about whatever speaks to my heart, to simply express and share. My ocean side is deeply concerned with stats, projections, and the probabilities of failure. It’s telling me to pick a niche and stick with it, to increase my chances for growth and success.
I really do want this blog to grow and be a valuable resource for women. So, I stopped writing to try and figure out what I should write about. I think we all can see how silly that was. I got so worried about growth that I stopped growing. I stopped writing. And isn’t that the point of this anyway?
I got so worried about growth that I stopped growing.
I’ve decided to stop worrying about niches and to just write instead. I’ve come to believe that if I let this grow organically, if I write from my heart and then see what resonates with yours, then this blog will be what I want it to be.
Right now, there is something weighing on my heart that I want to share with you over the next year. I hit a plateau in my personal growth. I’ve let a lot of things slide, and I’m starting to feel the repercussions in all aspects of my life – physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.
So, I’m going to document my attempts to make a breakthrough. I’ve picked some activities (New Year’s resolutions if you must) that I plan to use to make it happen. A lot of them have cross over, but mostly, I think they meet my four needs very well.
Physically | Yoga & Plant-Based Living
It’s no secret that I’ve gained an inordinate amount of weight in the last five years. I’ve realized that I’m not just carrying a few too many pounds though. I’m also carrying shame, guilt, anxiety, and fear too. I battle with self-image to an exhausting level, and I’m finished. I am discouraged enough to say that I don’t know if this year will be the year I beat it. But I’m not beaten down enough to say I won’t try.
Weight is the ultimate goal, but I know it’s so much bigger than that. I want to learn to take proper care of myself, to listen to my body, and to make lasting changes that actually change my brain, as well as my physiology. This year I plan to start Yoga (already have my mat, strap, and blocks), as well as committing to a plant-based lifestyle, two things I’ve wanted to take the plunge on for a while.
Feel free to cheer me on and hold me accountable. That kinda thing works for me.
Mentally | Reading & Piano
For me, being in the presence of books is almost a spiritual experience. Reading takes me to a place I can’t get to in any other way. It’s a place of storytelling, learning, imagination, and dreaming. I can’t ever get enough. Last year, I read 24 books. That’s two books a month! I’m pretty proud of that number, so I’d like to repeat it again!
I’m also going to start taking piano lessons this year. I started last year, but couldn’t afford it long-term. Someone in my church graciously offered to coach me for free though, and I’m eager to get started. Music is another thing I love immersing myself in and learning this new skill will definitely be a challenge my mind can thrive on.
Emotionally | Art & Writing
I never experience harmony the way I do when I am creating. I feel in perfect rhythm when I have a pencil or paintbrush in my hand. The travesty is, I forget that frequently. I forget that God has called me, among many things, Artist and that I can honor Him through art.
It took pulling out volumes of sketchbooks to remind me of that. And it took a friend blessing me with a canvas and some paints on vacation to remember the powerful call of creating on my life.
God also calls me Writer and Storyteller, so I am committed to seeing that dream come to life this year. I will finish the novel I started last November. If I do nothing else, I will do that.
I can’t ignore these part of my heart anymore.
Spiritually | A Journey Home
To say my spiritual walk has been tumultuous lately is an understatement. I have allowed myself to wander far, far away. I’ve listened to the roaring of the wrong lion, and I’ve allowed myself to settle in his lies – lies about the Lion of Judah, lies about me, and lies about God’s grace, mercy, and love. Not anymore.
Jesus has already journeyed far for me, leaving behind the 99 in the fold to find one little black lamb. I know the way back will be hard. I know that it’s a narrower path, and I will need to leave some things behind. But I am ever able with My Shepherd. With Him, I will not fail. It’s time to make the journey home.
So here’s to 2017 and to yoga poses, paintings, book reviews, novel updates, and reflections about God’s work in my life. But I won’t limit myself to that. I’m just going to let my heart speak to you this year. I hope you find something here that resonates with yours.